Hell would be to meet the man I could have been. 

I recently rewatched The Circle, a thought experiment movie starring Emma Watson and Tom Hanks about a social media company that seeks to basically ignore every privacy boundary possible. For me, it is an interesting movie, as challenging questions arise from it. One of the things of particular value that jumped out was in a scene where Emma’s character, Mae, is going through a “speed round” job interview. After a barrage of quasi-character-test questions, it got to something truly meaningful:

Interviewer: “You are most scared of?”

Mae: “Unfulfilled potential.”

Pause the movie. Yup. That feels real. 

Abraham Maslow first published his “Hierarchy of Needs” in 1943 as a study in human motivation. You may remember that at the top of the pyramid, the human need that reigns when the lower levels have been satisfied is the need for self-actualization, roughly speaking, the need for the realization of one’s personal potential. 

Doesn’t this sound wonderfully idealistic? Take care of the basic needs and then live a life with a steady upward growth trajectory resulting in the 100% realization of that life’s potential?  

The challenge with humans though is that we are actually hardwired to resist change. Therefore, when change is not absolutely necessary, or there is not enough pain associated with NOT changing, sometimes the motivation is insufficient to catalyze change. Since change is a necessary component of self-actualization, well, you can do the math here. 

To illustrate the point, how many people get up each day and say some version of: “Today is a great day to become aware of my blindspots! Today is a great day to figure out all of my weaknesses and admit them to myself and others! Today is a great day to take in all of the feedback that others could provide and not be offended in the process! Today is a great day to tackle the emotions that cause me to act like an ass to others!”

It seems to me that very few of us want to work on our (my) baggage, communication, flaws, and our B.S. (belief systems 😉). We have to be presented with a reason to change in order to have the motivation to tackle the “junk.” Additionally, these reasons are usually acute, short-term, and once the change has been made, the quest for better has sadly now ended. 

So, what perspective might cause us to always engage (never disengage) with the process of growth, change, and lead to the greatest possible self-actualization? Consider the question one of my clients uses regularly:

“What can I do today that my future self will thank me for?”

Love the question, it encourages a long view of acting in the present towards the vision of the future. Certainly, some degree of self-actualization will result if the question is consistently asked and the actions are completed. 

Consider an approach from a different angle: 

“Twenty years in the future, what would I regret not doing today? How will failing to grow today affect my future? If I don’t deal with my baggage today, what might it cost me in the future?”

Perhaps by becoming more aware of the negatives of NOT self-actualizing we can leverage the pain of potential regret to cause us to act today. 

I’m not sure this is the formula for everyone, yet when it comes to tackling the “junk” I really don’t want to deal with, viewing growth through the lens of a life less-than-fully lived usually provides sufficient motivation to tackle the tough stuff. By contrast, “fun” growth will always be fun, so that is not where I necessarily need motivation to change. 

Think of how rich a life one could lead if every day the question of personal growth was not only asked, but asked in a way that caused one to act upon it? How would we feel about ourselves? What would actually doing the thing catalyze within us? Self-actualization would be the natural by-product of growth, or perhaps the by-product of refusing NOT to grow.

In order to achieve the highest degree of our potential, we must have strategies for creating motivation to deal with the stuff that we may not want to. 

If hell would be to meet the man I could have been, happiness would be to know I worked steadfastly with every resource available to me to conquer myself.